To put it bluntly, it has been 3 years since my downfall. That sounds dramatic, but it's the best way for me to say it. 3 years ago I was put into a situation where I lost myself and felt as if I could never recover from it. It was by far the lowest point in my life. I basically got dumped by my first love.
Everything hurt. I would even leave work early because of how mentally and emotionally unwell I was. I was sad most of the time. The moments where I was happy felt almost fake because I'd immediately go back to being sad afterwards. I knew I had a lot of work to do on myself. I didn't know where to begin. I'm happy to say that I'm doing better these days.
I read through a few old journal entries recently. It had me reflecting on who I've become. I have been putting myself out there and meeting new people. Preferably, I'd like to meet someone I can be with long term. I have been using a lot of the things I've learned into action. For example, speaking up when I'm uncomfortable or saying what was bothering me.
I have also been setting boundaries as early as I can. I didn't even know about boundaries until after the failed relationship. What am I comfortable with? What do I care about? What do I want? It took me years for me to even answer those questions. I thought I was someone who was very much, "Go with the flow." Turns out, I was just a people pleaser. That ran deeper in me than I initially thought. I only "went with the flow" to keep the peace. That messed me up for sure.
I don't want to be seen as, "strong" or "resilient." I'm simply Zareva. She is who she is. She went through some tough times and came out even better. I feel free and it's definitely been because I've let go of people/things that stopped serving me long ago.
I'm happier these days and I'm excited knowing that it keeps getting better. I'm beautiful and blessed.
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